emptiness

The feeling of emptiness is the most profound of all feelings... One can easily see this... The once fresh, almost raw, pleasurable, heady love, friendshihp, attachment, closeness everything becomes evanescent pretty soon... They just disappear- no, time has got nothing to do with this; its the stream and flow of these things that do this- they flow, continue and become so stale that they cease to flow with any reality-eventually,they vanish. The emptiness you get after they go is felt too strongly to be any memory; it is felt as a deep , immense putrid, stinking passion. You waana stay with it, hold on to it but if you try, you will be drained of all hopes. But still, we do. We dont try to fill the emptiness with all the lost stuff again(which becomes impossible) but we live on with the emptiness,with the hopelessness, filling it up with a little loneliness, because we've got so little of ourselves with us. We will stop being sad and depressed once we get used to the emptiness;(though we wont be happy) we will go on living........... Until the shimmering beauty and fantasy of Death lures us.
"If I fall, and all is lost... is guess where i belong"-Amy Lee.

The Hours

I first heard about 'The Hours' as a movie when Nicole Kidman won an Oscar for her performance in it. She has always been my favourite actress and so i wanted to watch the movie. But, i dunno if it had been shown in the theatres, as i read about Kidman wining Oscar for it only after several months after its release('twas released in December 2002) to my dismay, i couldn't find a DVD of the movie for rent anywhere. After hunting for some days, i got VCD of it for rent in Shenoy CD Shop and i thought that the movie was not appreciated in Mysore or was not even known to people.(because theatres in mysore play English movies which have got alteast some action or magic in it). Though the CD print was terrible(shot with a video camera surreptitiously in a theatre) i LOVED the movie for its peaceful music, the theme around which the movie was based on(about life, death and the harsh reality of them) and for the excellent performances by all the actors. After watching the movie, i found myself so much like the charecters in it- like Virginia Woolf, of whom i had only heard about as a dead person, with all her quirks and rages; like Laura Brown with her growing morbid in her simple daily life and attachments; like Clarissa Vaughan, mysterious, sulking, and her inexplicable love for life.When i came to know that the movie is based on a book written by Michael Cuningham(which was credited in the movie) I wanted to read the book, but unfortunately, could not find anywhere in mysore and people at the book stores had not even heard of it. Long after i had developed a love for the charecters(and also the actors) i found the book in Bangalore's Forum Mall.(Landmark book stores). The book was even more spell-binding and i could'nt imagine any other faces other than those of the actors in the movie while i read it-all of them had performed so well. I fell in love with the book immediately and it became my second favourite book. (first will ever be Harry Potter!)

This is the book that touched my heart, mind, soul(if i am religious),and even perception. The Hours is Cunningham's most brilliant work(of course i have read his other books- Flesh and Blood being his other wonderful creation) and re-readable over and over again. I guess i have read it atleast 20 times by now and i still cant get enough of it! there are things in it that make you enlightened in some way even when you read it for the umpteenth time!

Cunninham has emerged as Virginia Woolf of 21st century! He writes in more or less the same pace as woolf, and i have found the modern-day-stream-of-concsiousness(if there is anything as such) technique brilliantly shown in his books.

Movie cast:

Nicole Kidman- Virginia Woolf

Meyl Streep- Clarissa Vaughan

Julianne Moore- Laura Brown

Miranda Richardson- Vanessa Bell

Toni Collette - Kitty

These are the performances i found minblowing. Allison Janney, Stephanne Dilane, Ed Harris and John c Reilly have done wonderful jobs too.

"Someone has to die so that others can value life more"- Woolf's dialogue in the movie.

" did it matter if she should inevitably cease completely?"- Woolf in her book Mrs.Dalloway.

"was it not consoling to her that death ended absolutely?"- Woolf in her book Mrs.Dalloway.

Beyonce

I am a big fan of Beyonce Knowles as i find her songs very appealing...
Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness...
Learn to be lonely
This is my favourite song( yes, i have learned to be lonely) because as far as i have seen things like love and friendship, they are subject to a LOT of changes, and they dwindle, and i have always found my place among the ashes... I have discovered that it takes a great deal to be just alive and breathe under this skin... I have touched the truth of all things-loneliness!